Ballad of a Lonely Bug Hunter

In slumber enveloped, the serenity of rest time
broke with the beam of that covetous beacon.
Splitting the silence, the wail of the siren
rouses the morlock with moaning and mumbling.
Darkness gives way to the dull yellow desk lamp,
and cursing the bite of her feckless companions
she ponders the glass in her palm. With its klaxon
now muzzled it blinks “Major Outage: Sev 3-B”.

She provisions from the ice box her potion of power
whose silver blue can offers syrupy salvation
from leadening eyelids. The loveseat will serve as
her desk and her dorm for the dark morning hours.
The hum of her laptop joins humbly in harmony
the heat-wicking windowbox insistently whirring.
She queues up some Green Day and groans a fresh oath
to quit software for good and seek quiet tranquility.

She enters the password then promptly peruses
the litany of errors now littering her screen.
“Performance degraded for: fraud data pipelines”,
but subtle signs point to the services upstream.
That cantankerous old man the devs call “Core Platform”
complains night and day about nothing important,
but swiftly she spots it, an eyecatching stacktrace
Connection Timed Out - db_conn.rb

She thinks on that byte hoard that deftly must balance
the dutiful golems that grasp at her treasures
with suitors unnamed who arrive unnanounced
and whose comfort is paramount while collecting their purchases.
With the press of a button she now beholds Postgres,
its resources labeled and cheerfully rendered.
The plateau she dreaded sits perched on a warning:
“DB max connections (this can’t be exceeded)”.

She flicks to the terminal and sets fingers flying
as with a wry chuckle she scours the changelog.
“The finance team, surely, those fools never learn.”
git blame conf/db.yaml two years since the count changed?
She rifles through git tag for recent releases.
The lone update last night fix: log deprecations.
A dutiful note dropped in /var/log/debug.log,
which can’t be the culprit, she sits back confounded.

With nothing to go on she rest chin on knuckles.
That muse of the hopeless she now consults, metrics.
Her sleek charts she cuts through with slicing and dicing
til curious discrepancy catches her notice.
The limit is ten threads yet one node reports twelve?
core-api-03, the db confirms it.
Her draught of alacrity she drains in one motion,
then pulls up her xterm and grins with fresh purpose

Through tunnels electric she leaps in an instant
and lazily gropes with ls -Alh .
With nothing amiss there she picks through the node’s logs.
A restart on schedule and rote logging since then.
But ps aux shows old pid and new pid,
and with a quick pkill she puts down the zombie.
At first, nothing changes. She fears she’s mistaken.
The graph wavers briefly… then drops towards the green zone.

She fires off the all clear and gives a swift fist bump,
then spies through the window the fingers of sunrise.
The sleep she missed out on creeps slowly but surely
til shoulders feel heavy and hands show a tremor.
She groans at the clock but cannot resist grinning
while clicking the button to close out the ticket.
Her duty is done, so she’ll sleep through the daybreak
and bask in the glow of another bug squashed.


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